Yikes.

Well, it's been forever and a day, hasn't it? I'm a bad blogger, but there's been some pretty big stuff going on my life, and well, sometimes, it's just better to hide away.

And then, there are times when there are things that need to be said, secrets kept for so long that you're afraid to open your mouth for fearing the truth will come out at the most inappropriate time.

This weekend was one of those times. And I still couldn't say everything I needed to.

The truth is, I'm in debt. Scary debt. Anxiety-producing, nail-biting, panicking debt. And while it's getting better, it's still a long, long road. One that I'm driving down blindly.

I never learned how to manage money. I don't know why, but it wasn't a gift I was born with and to this day, I still have no idea how to. Something as simple as paying the cable bill on time is something I simply have never been able to do. Now, with the convenience of automatic bill pay, I am getting better at that, but what about the bills you can't have taken out of your account monthly?

Like rent.

Yes, I even have problems paying something as important as rent on time. And now, it's finally catching up on me.

Friday evening I came home from work around 10 pm to a scary eviction notice on my door. I flipped out because this time? This time I had actually paid my rent -- granted, I paid it late but I had mailed in a check for 2 months rent at one time and seeing as how I never received a call from the leasing office, I assumed all was taken care of.

Apparently not. So, eviction notice in hand at 10 on a Friday night I have a panic attack. Then, I recover, head to the computer and check the tracking status of the payment I had mailed in previously - because you're damn right if I send a cashier's check in the mail, it's going to be tracked.

4 weeks after mailing it in, the website is showing it "In transit". Eff. Lost in the mail... who the hell is going to believe that excuse even if I have not only the tracking, but the receipt of the cashier's check from the bank.

And, it's the weekend. By the time I get ahold of the leasing office, the bank is closed, there's nothing I can do. My contact tells me late Saturday morning that if I have $2000 in hand for her on Saturday evening when she's at the complex then everything will be okay. If I don't, the court officers will be removing my property from the apartment at 9 am on Monday.

Double eff. I do what always works best for me. I cry. Then, ugh, I call my mom.

Mom is understandably not pleased, but she tells me she can have 1000 sent my way, and that it WILL be paid back to her within two months. She is a lifesaver. Unfortunately, I'm not much for savings accounts at this point and payday is this coming Wednesday, but I do what I can. And by 9pm Saturday I am able to hand my landlord $1700.

She tells me she needs the remaining 300 by 8am Monday or the plan will proceed as she promised. And while I won't get into it, yes, apparently there were court papers served.. but through the mail, and seeing as how all of my bills are deducted automatically, all of my mail goes into a huge basket that I go through maybe twice a month. Another bad habit for me to break. I questioned as to why I was never called about the rent owed, as I would have then known the mail was lost and I could cancel the check and you know, do things during the week and not on a Saturday, but I was told that they don't like to contact tenants for these issues by phone. Good to know, I guess.

So here it is, 4pm on Sunday afternoon. I can't get to my second bank account until Monday morning, and not before 8 am, as it's quite a way away and honestly? I'm not sure it has 300 in it. I'm in a bit of a panic, but there's also a calmness going on I can't quite explain.

$300. In reality, its such a small amount. Had I not spent this week paying electric bills, car payments, and my cell phone, I would have nothing to worry about and would not be in this situation of waiting to speak to the woman who holds my life in her hands right now.

I'm hoping for leniency. I'm hoping that they will accept a check that can be cashed on Wednesday (thank you, weird payroll processing that has our checks issued on Wednesday and not Friday!). I'm hoping that come tomorrow morning, I still have a home to come home to.

Any positive thoughts you could send my way would be most appreciated!

***ETA*** I've always suspected certain people were amazing, today that was confirmed. I'm not going anywhere. ::sigh of relief::


***Money is a sticky topic to talk about, I know. Please respect I'm not asking for lectures on how a 29 year old should be financially stable... anything you could say to me, I've said to myself countless times.