When Second Date = Last Date

You have to figure ... if the world's fattest twins can find love, there's hope for all of us. Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us, understand us, and kiss our 3 heads and make it all better.

Carrie, Sex and the City

So yeah. Last night I went on a second date with Clingy. You know, the guy who couldn't pay for dinner on our first date because he left his id at home. I know, I know, that should have been reason enough to not give him a second chance but well, I saw the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" yesterday and needless to say, it scared the crap out of me that I was going to eventually end up dying alone. More on the movie later though. But it scared me into being proactive and yes, asking a guy out. He was all for it, and we agreed on a time and place and then, half an hour later I get this text:

"Hey looks like I can't make it out after all. My daughter's sick and I have to take care of some things. Have a great night."

Snort. Well that's a sign if ever that A. I should never ask a guy out. And B. Really? Did the daughter just now get sick and or had he "forgotten" up until that moment. Also, C. Never date a guy with kids.

Naturally, I'm feeling pretty low at this point, and as I'm resigning myself to the fact that I'm going to clean my house on a Friday night, Clingy... oh hell, who cares, his name is Ryan, Ryan texts me with "wanna hang out tonight?" Hanging out for us means he has to drive 90 miles to get here. As long as I'm not the one driving, I don't care.

Well sure, why the hell not? So I invite him over to hang out and finish cleaning my house. He shows up and we decide to just hang out and watch a movie. After much debate (because he can't name a favorite movie and has no idea what movies are even good or not) we decide to watch the Village. I've never seen it, so why not?

Seriously, two minutes into the night, he fully tries to launch himself on me to kiss me. Not gonna lie, I pushed him away with a hissed "no!" Sorry, but this is the second time I've met you, and I really don't want to kiss you just yet. Or ever, I'm thinking.

He keeps trying and I finally jam my elbow into his rib cage and he gets the point. THEN, he decides to talk. Through the entire movie. That I have not seen.

Yeah, it's at this point that I decide I want him out of my house. I just have to figure out how.

I think he gets the point because an hour into the movie he gets a text from the friend he's staying with for the night and says he has to leave because his friend is going to bed and he won't be able to get into the house.

First of all, it's only 11:30 at night. No red-blooded, twenty-something, Michigan-bred guy is going to bed on a Friday night at 11:30. Second of all, I don't care what your lame excuse is, get the hell out of my house. He tries to kiss me again, and I glare at him. We end the night with a half-assed hug.

He leaves, and I finish watching the movie. Not that great, but quite a twist at the end. Twenty minutes later he texts me. Apparently, his friend is already asleep and he can't get into the house so what am I doing?

Um... really? At this point I'm seriously confused. Is this a lame attempt at a hook up? Because yeah, I won't kiss you, I'm probably not doing anything else with you. Plus, you already left the house, and like a vampire, you're not coming back in until I invite you back.

Which is never.

Oh! And I forgot the best part of the night. His breath? Smelled like garlic. Seriously. I don't care how socially inept you are, the first thing you do before walking into the house of someone you potentially think you have a chance of making out with, you brush your teeth and chew some gum. That's not rocket science, it's common sense.

I tried. I gave him a second chance. I also deleted his phone number from my phone because I have no intention of making that mistake again.

The next date with the next guy will be better.