Officially in the Friend Zone
I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you
--Untouched, the Veronicas
Last summer I started seeing this guy, and things were going really well. We met just after the Fourth of July, and things just clicked. As the summer went on, things began to progress, and I began to let my guard down and let myself start thinking of things in long term. I even had that moment. You know, the one where you're watching the other person and they're completely oblivious to the fact, and while you're staring at them, you have that one thought creep into your mind.
"...he very well could end up being the one..."
Naturally, three days later he broke up with me. Completely out of the blue. At the time, I was devastated. He wanted to continue on being friends but well, I've never really believed in being friends with someone you dated. I just don't think it's a good idea.
Fast forward a few months, to the end of October, one month after the break up, and I decide to throw caution to the wind and call him to see how he is. Alcohol may or may not have been a deciding factor. We talk a few times, hang out a couple of times, and before I know it, I'm completely in the friend zone.
Am I okay with that? At the time, sure. I mean, as far as I knew I was.
This whole hanging out/being friends/flirting/sexting relationship continues on through the fall and into winter. The entire month of December is days spent texting, nights spent hanging out.
As friends, of course.
New Year's Eve. Neither of us had any truly thrilling plans, so to speak, so he and his roommate came out with me to a few of my friends' parties. Now, keep in mind, I had spent that entire week with him - concerts, drinking, watching movies, texting when we weren't actually together... yeah, I saw him more in that week alone than in any week when we were actually dating.
So anyways, back to the story. New Year's Eve... we hang out, we hug at midnight (lame!), and then watch a movie back at his place with his roommate. Around 4 am, I finally decide that I better get myself home before it gets any later, and as always, he walks me to the door. As I'm leaving, like every other night, he gives me a hug goodbye.
Well, fuck.
It was during that hug I realized just how very much I missed him as a boyfriend and how very much I hated being just his friend. I held on a little tighter than I should have, (note: he didn't pull away) and then smiled sadly and said goodnight quickly before walking out the door. The entire drive home I ran the previous couple of months through my head and realized just how much of an idiot I have been, and truthfully, how the hell did I not see this coming?
Because I'm an idiot.
Friendboy, as I'll call him, since he's not my Boyfriend, and I don't have much of a chance of getting back together. He's seeing several other people, trying to find "the one" and I'm striking out on all of my dates because well, clearly, I still want him and I keep comparing every single guy to him and they fail. Oh yeah, and the guy who asked me my bra size before the waitress brought us our drinks? Yeah, he struck out all on his own, with no help from me. Sorry I never called you back, asshat.
Since New Year's Eve, not much has changed... Friendboy and I still hang out, I listen to him talk about his problems finding the girl he wants to date, and he listens to my complaining about all of the jerks I've met. We send scandalous texts all day long, and do our fair share of sexting at night.
Since New Year's Eve, so much has changed... I notice more often, the way he smells when I bury my face in his shoulder when we hug goodbye. I fight to not reach over in the truck and grab his hand while we're driving. I want nothing more than to curl up into his side as we watch Old School for the millionth time and rest my head on his shoulder.
I don't want to be his friend.
The whole situation pretty much just sucks. And I don't even know what to do about it because yeah, I used to be smart enough to stay away from friending the exes. Nevermind the fact that there's this whole other part of me that believes that there's that chance that things will happen like they do in the movies and that this will one day sort itself out and we'll live happily ever after.
I can't not be his friend for fear of missing this chance.
Pathetic or hopeful? Naive or patient?
I have no idea anymore. I just know that I can't help but smile when his name shows up on my phone. And he has no idea; I'm certainly not going to tell him.
And that, my friends, tells me that I'm truly fucked.
--Untouched, the Veronicas
Last summer I started seeing this guy, and things were going really well. We met just after the Fourth of July, and things just clicked. As the summer went on, things began to progress, and I began to let my guard down and let myself start thinking of things in long term. I even had that moment. You know, the one where you're watching the other person and they're completely oblivious to the fact, and while you're staring at them, you have that one thought creep into your mind.
"...he very well could end up being the one..."
Naturally, three days later he broke up with me. Completely out of the blue. At the time, I was devastated. He wanted to continue on being friends but well, I've never really believed in being friends with someone you dated. I just don't think it's a good idea.
Fast forward a few months, to the end of October, one month after the break up, and I decide to throw caution to the wind and call him to see how he is. Alcohol may or may not have been a deciding factor. We talk a few times, hang out a couple of times, and before I know it, I'm completely in the friend zone.
Am I okay with that? At the time, sure. I mean, as far as I knew I was.
This whole hanging out/being friends/flirting/sexting relationship continues on through the fall and into winter. The entire month of December is days spent texting, nights spent hanging out.
As friends, of course.
New Year's Eve. Neither of us had any truly thrilling plans, so to speak, so he and his roommate came out with me to a few of my friends' parties. Now, keep in mind, I had spent that entire week with him - concerts, drinking, watching movies, texting when we weren't actually together... yeah, I saw him more in that week alone than in any week when we were actually dating.
So anyways, back to the story. New Year's Eve... we hang out, we hug at midnight (lame!), and then watch a movie back at his place with his roommate. Around 4 am, I finally decide that I better get myself home before it gets any later, and as always, he walks me to the door. As I'm leaving, like every other night, he gives me a hug goodbye.
Well, fuck.
It was during that hug I realized just how very much I missed him as a boyfriend and how very much I hated being just his friend. I held on a little tighter than I should have, (note: he didn't pull away) and then smiled sadly and said goodnight quickly before walking out the door. The entire drive home I ran the previous couple of months through my head and realized just how much of an idiot I have been, and truthfully, how the hell did I not see this coming?
Because I'm an idiot.
Friendboy, as I'll call him, since he's not my Boyfriend, and I don't have much of a chance of getting back together. He's seeing several other people, trying to find "the one" and I'm striking out on all of my dates because well, clearly, I still want him and I keep comparing every single guy to him and they fail. Oh yeah, and the guy who asked me my bra size before the waitress brought us our drinks? Yeah, he struck out all on his own, with no help from me. Sorry I never called you back, asshat.
Since New Year's Eve, not much has changed... Friendboy and I still hang out, I listen to him talk about his problems finding the girl he wants to date, and he listens to my complaining about all of the jerks I've met. We send scandalous texts all day long, and do our fair share of sexting at night.
Since New Year's Eve, so much has changed... I notice more often, the way he smells when I bury my face in his shoulder when we hug goodbye. I fight to not reach over in the truck and grab his hand while we're driving. I want nothing more than to curl up into his side as we watch Old School for the millionth time and rest my head on his shoulder.
I don't want to be his friend.
The whole situation pretty much just sucks. And I don't even know what to do about it because yeah, I used to be smart enough to stay away from friending the exes. Nevermind the fact that there's this whole other part of me that believes that there's that chance that things will happen like they do in the movies and that this will one day sort itself out and we'll live happily ever after.
I can't not be his friend for fear of missing this chance.
Pathetic or hopeful? Naive or patient?
I have no idea anymore. I just know that I can't help but smile when his name shows up on my phone. And he has no idea; I'm certainly not going to tell him.
And that, my friends, tells me that I'm truly fucked.
posted by ColeyMarie | 9:45 PM
3 Comments:
That's normal...at least it is for me. I seem to befriend any potential boyfriends that have rejected me in the past. All for the sick reason of "just in case!"
Ok reading your post I was thinking that I could have written the same thing! I guy I dated a few months back (Fire Guy) was great and just like you said as soon as I thought wow I could really see myself with him.... wham it was over!! Why is that? Is it a jinx or something? Whatever it is it sucks! And the friend box, as I call it, sucks as well! lol Stupid boys!
You are a great writer and I'm really glad I stumbled upon your blog! :)
I was in a situation similar, if not exactly, like this. I finally decided I had had enough punishment and stopped talking to him. Didn't see or talk to him for about 6 months. I started dating someone else and guess who calls me up?! After many long, persuasive discussions and declarations of love from him and apoplogies on how bad he screwed up but he realized how much he couldn't live without me...blah, blah, blah (and much persistent begging on his part) I caved in and we did start dating. Even moved in together. He said everything I ever wished he would and I couldn't have been happier. That lasted 6 months and then I come home from work and he tells me he has a date. Soooo not making this up. So of course I packed up everything ('cause I paid for it all-even took the toilet paper and his toothbrush) and left him with an empty apartment. He called me at my parents house and asked me when I was coming home and if we were still going to sign the lease on our new house. Really, true story. Why did he do this you ask? Because he thought I was so in love with him that he could do anything and I would still be there, even if it was just as friends.
Moral of the story is...well, there are several really. But odds are, you are probably better off just distancing yourself now. I'm not saying it can't happen, but it seldom does. And sometimes when it does, it isn't anything you imagined it would be.
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