It's ShamAzing!

So by now, we've all heard the unfortunate news about Vince from ShamWow and SlapChop getting into that fight with the hooker. I don't know what's better, that anyone is surprised, or that Headline News actually ran a story wondering if this was the end of his career. Career? Sure, he's awesome, but what kind of career is this? If I were him, I'd probably have some rage issues too.

I was at home a couple of weeks ago for the holiday and as my family gathered for brunch on Easter Sunday, the conversation quickly turned to Vince and his hooker. What? Your family was busy discussing the Sunday Mass sermon instead? Not my family's style. So as we're laughing, wondering if the kitchen used the SlapChop to make the buffet table's scrambled eggs; my mother, aunt, cousins, and I came up with a couple of gems of brilliance about the whole situation.

"Do you think they used the ShamWow to mop up his blood?"

"She'll make him say "ow" everytime!"

"He slapped his troubles away."

"She didn't love his nuts."

"Vince Shlomi: Making hookers skinnier 'one slap at a time'."

"What he did with one finger, she did with her whole hand!"

Yeah, we have no shame. And we weren't even drinking with brunch, you see. Maybe if we had been, we could have gotten ourselves into a Vince vs. Billy Mays debate, but I bet we're saving that for the next family get-together. Fourth of July perhaps?

And speaking of Vince, what kind of last name is Shlomi? I wanted to marry this guy, and my mom was all for it, but after his arrest she did call me and say, "You cannot become Nicole Shlomi, I'm sorry, you can't. The hooker arrest we can work with, but the name needs to go."

I couldn't agree more.

So, in light of recent events has your opinion of the ShamWow or SlapChop changed? Or do you think they (and Vince) are still amazing? I mean, remember the backlash the poor Dell guy got a few years ago? Let's hope this all blows over.

And lets face it, the hooker probably deserved it.

Nicole's Excuses on Why She Hasn't Updated Her Blog:

10. Easter Sunday, I was too busy stuffing my face with various brunch and family dinner foods. And then I slept.

9. Monday I made the 5 hour drive back to my house and then promptly went in for an 8 hour work night.

8. Tuesday I caught up on Dancing with the Stars and The Hills, and also enjoyed the first full day alone in my brand new house with the cats.

7. Wednesday I had slept all day, then had 11 hours of ridiculously amazing sex.

6. Thursday the sex marathon continued and then I worked a 12 hour shift, not getting home until 4:30 Friday morning.

5. Friday I had lunch with a girlfriend after only 5 hours of sleep, then we toured each others houses. I slept an additional 2 hours and then went back to work for 8 hours.

4. Saturday I worked 10 hours, came home at 8, made dinner and promptly fell asleep on the couch at 10 while watching a Little House on the Prairie movie.

3. Sunday marked one full week of me saying "I should blog, but I'm too tired to stare at a computer screen to actually sit down and write." I also worked another 12 hours.

2. Monday I caught up on sleep, worked 8 hours, came home at midnight and watched Dancing with the Stars, The Hills, One Tree Hill, and Gossip Girl. God bless my hardworking DVR.

1. Tuesday - Damn, I'm all out of excuses so here I am, blogging away.

And you know what? It feels pretty good to be back!

So yeah, I moved. And it sucked. I really loved my old house, and had such big plans for my flower gardens this summer, and for planting a real garden in the backyard, and yeah...I just loved it. My landlord, however, turned out to be kind of psycho.

First, during a random conversation on the phone, we found out that we both had taken the same antidepressant. Somehow to her, this translated into, "I must send my freaky Bible-study religious fanatics out to talk to her Every.Single.Day." Yeah. These people were not your run of the mill door-to-door Holy People. No, their religion involved glossy rocks and stones and brightly colored crystals. Yes, crystals.

Every time one of them showed up I had to fight the urge to channel Napoleon Dynamite and ask "Did you remember to put the crystals in?" I don't think they would have gotten it.

On the fourth day in a row that they showed up I finally blew up at them and screamed, "I don't need this, I'm Catholic! My grandmother gives me enough guilt!"

To which the lady replied. "Catholic? Oh, no."

Um. Yes. Catholic for 28 years and not looking to change. Not for crystals unless Stevie Nicks is pounding down my door.

Then came the day when my landlord sent me an email saying, "Oh by the way, remember how I said I was thinking about selling the house? I sold it! And I'd like you out by the first of the month."

Who cares if it was already March 24th? Six days to find a new house and get everything moved without taking any time off of work? Sure, no problem.

And yes, I know I could have fought her, could have gotten at least another month out of the deal before having to leave, but by this point, I kind of thought moving quickly would be the best idea.

So I found a house. And I found some friends who knew how to drive a U-Haul, and I packed up my life and the cats and we moved half an hour out of the city to a little place in the country where I don't hear gunshots every day and everybody knows everybody. The BFF lives less than a mile away.

My mom believes that even though I am nearly 30, I do not know how to put a house together. This means she was here three days after I moved in and unpacked everything and put it all away. I am not complaining because the place looks amazing. And, it was really nice to have my mom here for a week.

Some highlights from my new house?

My living room with two, yes two pink couches. It's okay to be jealous.
The guest bedroom, which is currently more decorated and colorful than my own bedroom.

Why yes, that IS a Hello Kitty alarm clock!

And my favorite part of the whole house, the dining room table, looked over by Holly Golightly herself!

So as you can see, it turns out the move was a good thing after all. Now that I'm finally settled in and life has settled back to normal, I'm pretty happy with it. And with life back to normal, that means I can finally stop neglecting this blog and the blogs of all those that I love! Oh sure, I've been able to keep up on my reader, but I have left zero comments in the last month, and for that, I am sorry.

But hey, at least I'm back! And tomorrow? You'll get to hear all of the jokes I've made about the ShamWow guy being beaten up by a hooker. I know you can't wait for that!

Hello Friends

I've missed you guys!!

Just a quick update before I'm gone for the weekend... I successfully moved into a new house (the one I wanted) and am all unpacked and settled in... of course I've got a couple of blog posts out of the deal. But yes, the good news is, I'm not homeless.

I'll be at my parents' house for the holiday weekend but wanted to leave you with the this picture... yeah, my cat's weird, and I take pictures to document it, so what?

Happy Easter!!

Muffin sleeping in the bathroom sink.